Playful Chaos Manager Pillows

"I did take off my muddy shoes, mom...these are my socks!"

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

Face painting.

"Maureen Alsop is leaving her magnolia, and her delphinium and her cats with us this weekend."

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

'Hey, everyone! I think I found the bottleneck!'

'No, that wasn't your mother calling to ask if you were okay. That was your mother calling to ask if I was okay.'

'You'll find there's no middle ground with Kirk Knoland.'

'I suppose an explanation is in order?'

"Hold on a second, Bob. I'm putting you on a stickie."

'Marm doesn't understand, 'I've got it, I've got it'.'

'We've moved some fussy people, but she tops it!'

"Funny, I don't remember signing up for this."

Caution: use only under child supervison

Stockwell's day

'Anthony! And all over my new carpet! Bad cat! Bad cat!'

"I'm making a list of everything we have to do before we go away so we can freak out in some kind of order."

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

Turn Down For What.

Women pay for one hour of uninterrupted sleep.

Man falls through ceiling - 'Did you find the leak?'

A Mom's Purse

'It's OK to take your work home with you. It's not OK to bring your home to work with you.'

'You think you have it rough. Try organizing a waiting room.'

Businessman with novelty in and out baskets.

'Quick! Look cute!'

'Why is it when ever we have guests, you have to go and make a scene?'

Kid's Driving You Crazy?

'We're drying Jimmy's clothes, mom!'

"Little Ethan is quite the handful, but Susan and I have no regrets about stealing him from the maternity ward."

'That's enough Rusty.'

"I'm late for that lecture on the importance of relaxation!"

Cat chess