Office Chaos Manager Pillows

'This search fee seems very high. Solicitor.'

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

"Maureen Alsop is leaving her magnolia, and her delphinium and her cats with us this weekend."

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

'Hey, everyone! I think I found the bottleneck!'

"Hold on a second, Bob. I'm putting you on a stickie."

'I suppose an explanation is in order?'

'You'll find there's no middle ground with Kirk Knoland.'

'We've moved some fussy people, but she tops it!'

Stockwell's day

'Ah, the Bermuda Rectangle for files.'

Caution: use only under child supervison

'Anthony! And all over my new carpet! Bad cat! Bad cat!'

"Funny, I don't remember signing up for this."

"I'm making a list of everything we have to do before we go away so we can freak out in some kind of order."

Turn Down For What.

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

"I've put every one of those vital master copies through here, and it took ages. Where do the copies come out?"

Women pay for one hour of uninterrupted sleep.

Man falls through ceiling - 'Did you find the leak?'

A Mom's Purse

'It's OK to take your work home with you. It's not OK to bring your home to work with you.'

'Nothing serious. I just hate my job.'

'You think you have it rough. Try organizing a waiting room.'

The classic 'large scale corporate raider' eventually, they end up catching themselves!!

Businessman with novelty in and out baskets.

"We've got to stop selling cheesy snacks near the petting zoo."

Desk bins contain fires to be put out.

'Welcome aboard, Peterson.'

Security Dept. Keep. Out.

'Why is it when ever we have guests, you have to go and make a scene?'

"Little Ethan is quite the handful, but Susan and I have no regrets about stealing him from the maternity ward."

Accountancy