Home Chaos Manager Pillows

"No need to rush down - it's only the gas bill."

Man: 'Oh for HEAVEN'S sake Zachary! WHAT have I told you about RUNNING THROUGH the house?!

"Sandra hated it when Karl worked from home."

'Anthony! And all over my new carpet! Bad cat! Bad cat!'

"Edna, have you fallen asleep in the bath again?"

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

"Maureen Alsop is leaving her magnolia, and her delphinium and her cats with us this weekend."

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

'Hey, everyone! I think I found the bottleneck!'

'I suppose an explanation is in order?'

"Hold on a second, Bob. I'm putting you on a stickie."

'You'll find there's no middle ground with Kirk Knoland.'

'We've moved some fussy people, but she tops it!'

Stockwell's day

Caution: use only under child supervison

"Funny, I don't remember signing up for this."

"I'm making a list of everything we have to do before we go away so we can freak out in some kind of order."

"The 'Queer Eye' people came by - but they fled."

Women pay for one hour of uninterrupted sleep.

Turn Down For What.

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

Man falls through ceiling - 'Did you find the leak?'

A Mom's Purse

'It's OK to take your work home with you. It's not OK to bring your home to work with you.'

'You think you have it rough. Try organizing a waiting room.'

Businessman with novelty in and out baskets.

"We've got to stop selling cheesy snacks near the petting zoo."

"Not cool washing sheep in the dishwasher people!"

"I'm late for that lecture on the importance of relaxation!"

'That's enough Rusty.'

"Little Ethan is quite the handful, but Susan and I have no regrets about stealing him from the maternity ward."

'Why is it when ever we have guests, you have to go and make a scene?'