Indoor Chaos Manager Pillows

'My husband has been practicing his golf swing all winter.'

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

"Maureen Alsop is leaving her magnolia, and her delphinium and her cats with us this weekend."

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

'Hey, everyone! I think I found the bottleneck!'

"Hold on a second, Bob. I'm putting you on a stickie."

'I suppose an explanation is in order?'

'You'll find there's no middle ground with Kirk Knoland.'

'We've moved some fussy people, but she tops it!'

'Anthony! And all over my new carpet! Bad cat! Bad cat!'

Stockwell's day

"Funny, I don't remember signing up for this."

Caution: use only under child supervison

"I'm making a list of everything we have to do before we go away so we can freak out in some kind of order."

'This is my natural habitat.'

Women pay for one hour of uninterrupted sleep.

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

Turn Down For What.

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

Man falls through ceiling - 'Did you find the leak?'

A Mom's Purse

'It's OK to take your work home with you. It's not OK to bring your home to work with you.'

'You think you have it rough. Try organizing a waiting room.'

"Not cool washing sheep in the dishwasher people!"

"We've got to stop selling cheesy snacks near the petting zoo."

Businessman with novelty in and out baskets.

Desk bins contain fires to be put out.

'Why is it when ever we have guests, you have to go and make a scene?'

"Little Ethan is quite the handful, but Susan and I have no regrets about stealing him from the maternity ward."

'We're drying Jimmy's clothes, mom!'

'That's enough Rusty.'

"I'm late for that lecture on the importance of relaxation!"

"I'm running a loose ship."