Children Chaos Manager Pillows

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"Maureen Alsop is leaving her magnolia, and her delphinium and her cats with us this weekend."

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

'Hey, everyone! I think I found the bottleneck!'

'No, that wasn't your mother calling to ask if you were okay. That was your mother calling to ask if I was okay.'

"Hold on a second, Bob. I'm putting you on a stickie."

'I suppose an explanation is in order?'

'We're playing trampoline, mom.'

'You'll find there's no middle ground with Kirk Knoland.'

"Instead of taking a bath couldn't I just run through a carwash?"

'We've moved some fussy people, but she tops it!'

"She just asked me if she could have a few friends in to watch the International Horse Show."

"Funny, I don't remember signing up for this."

Stockwell's day

Caution: use only under child supervison

'Anthony! And all over my new carpet! Bad cat! Bad cat!'

"I'm making a list of everything we have to do before we go away so we can freak out in some kind of order."

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

The sofa freshly made up...

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

Women pay for one hour of uninterrupted sleep.

'Just wait until I'm introduced to carbonated beverages!'

Turn Down For What.

'None of the other things had instructions.'

'It wasn't premeditated.

Man falls through ceiling - 'Did you find the leak?'

A Mom's Purse

'It's OK to take your work home with you. It's not OK to bring your home to work with you.'

Don't you yell at him, he couldn't remember where he buried you!

'You think you have it rough. Try organizing a waiting room.'

Businessman with novelty in and out baskets.