Childhood Chaos Manager Pillows

Bathtime

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"Maureen Alsop is leaving her magnolia, and her delphinium and her cats with us this weekend."

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

"I thought it would be nice if we had a forum where we could get together and have screaming tantrums."

'Hey, everyone! I think I found the bottleneck!'

"Everyone says she has the clutter of someone twice her age."

"She was right -- Her teddy bear did squish your action figure!"

'We're playing trampoline, mom.'

"Hold on a second, Bob. I'm putting you on a stickie."

'I suppose an explanation is in order?'

'You'll find there's no middle ground with Kirk Knoland.'

'We've moved some fussy people, but she tops it!'

"Instead of taking a bath couldn't I just run through a carwash?"

'Anthony! And all over my new carpet! Bad cat! Bad cat!'

Stockwell's day

"The children took off their own coats this morning, Pastor."

"Funny, I don't remember signing up for this."

Caution: use only under child supervison

"I'm making a list of everything we have to do before we go away so we can freak out in some kind of order."

'Actually, they're pretty nice, once they settle down.'

'None of the other things had instructions.'

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

'Just wait until I'm introduced to carbonated beverages!'

Women pay for one hour of uninterrupted sleep.

Turn Down For What.

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

Man falls through ceiling - 'Did you find the leak?'

A Mom's Purse

'It's OK to take your work home with you. It's not OK to bring your home to work with you.'

"Listen up and listen up good, 'cause I'm only going to say this a million times."