Chaos Manager Pillows

'Hey, everyone! I think I found the bottleneck!'

Out Of My Way, Stupid!

"I'm making a list of everything we have to do before we go away so we can freak out in some kind of order."

Man falls through ceiling - 'Did you find the leak?'

"Good—now put it back."

A Mom's Purse

"I wasn't able to thank Mrs Weber for the neat party. She had taken two tranquilizers and gone to bed."

'Opps!'

"Right now your cost to benefit ratio is way out of whack!"

"Looks like I'm suffering from information overload."

"Call the inspector and tell him to cancel today, that something has come up."

'You think you have it rough. Try organizing a waiting room.'

Careless movers.

'We've moved some fussy people, but she tops it!'

'My mom doesn't really respect my privacy. She just can't stand to come in my room.'

"Little Ethan is quite the handful, but Susan and I have no regrets about stealing him from the maternity ward."

The perils of working from home

"I'm late for that lecture on the importance of relaxation!"

"Maureen Alsop is leaving her magnolia, and her delphinium and her cats with us this weekend."

"Hold on a second, Bob. I'm putting you on a stickie."

"You're good at decluttering your browser bookmarks, too bad it doesn't extend to your office."

Women pay for one hour of uninterrupted sleep.

"Now you listen to me young man because I'm only going to repeat this a GAZILLION times!"

"They put this tree in the house, decorate it with baubles and garlands, then forbid me to play with it! Is that cruel or what?! Aaargh!"

Kid's Driving You Crazy?

"Excuse me Mr. Plumber, my son just called, please be careful not to disturb his genetically altered aquatic scorpion colony."

Turn Down For What.

'Rough day Principal Harris?'

"Funny, I don't remember signing up for this."

'Ooops.'

Children playing in a library

Miracle on 34th street.

Stockwell's day

'Why is it when ever we have guests, you have to go and make a scene?'

'I suppose an explanation is in order?'