Platypus Appreciator Pillows

"Jesus, my head hurts. And what in my name is this thing I made last night?"

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"Who's got the hammer?"

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

'This guy loves giving stump speeches. Ironically, they're all against deforestation.'

"Steamed vegetables."

Don Quixote is Caged (Don Quixote).

"You're not the same pupa you were when we first met."

'Oh Hi!'

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

'This one is for serving 27 years in the military without anyone finding out I'm gay.'

The Greek Trampoline

Dr. Frankenstein creates his newest monster, Frankenmime.

Fenton G. Gonklemeyer, Computer Scientist - Booted Up 1928 and Crashed 2009.

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

Russia Money Laundering

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

"Amateurs."

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

"How long were you in the waiting room?"

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

Got stuck in Iraqi oil, Unca Sam?

Historic Bank Jobs.

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."