Plastic Pundit Gifts

Genetic modification creating plastic from plant cellulose.

"We've discovered they mate for life, as long as they don't discuss politics."

'Very well, I'll introduce you. Ego, meet ID. Now get back to work.'

"Suppose you tell me why you want to be a faceless drone at Globatron Inc.?"

'Sean Connery was the best James Bond!'

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

John Barth wrote "Everyone is necessarily the hero of his own life story." That he did, little buddy. But what if a person spends most of his life watching tv, films, Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, etc? What if my -- I mean, this person's -- life story is watching other people's life stories? Does that make other people the hero of this person's story? Sometimes I don't know where I end and Kanye begins. That'd be somewhere around Kim Kardashian.

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

"Now you're just being a jerk!"

"I must say Jeff, there's something about your personal brand that I find refreshing."

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

I'm a gangster rap fan too!

Sub Post Office/Sub-Justice

"I understand they've uncovered some weird new side effects since you were here last."

"Summer's here. Do you want to start talking incessantly about tomatoes or corn?"

The big questions in life.

Apples...37 Spinach...43 Peaches...51

"Chills, Randy. I feel chills. And I can't move." "And I can't remember the last time my palms were this sweaty." "This must've been what people felt like when they heard the Allies were finally invading Normandy on D-Day." "No way any movie can live up to this hype." "Wolverine day is almost upon us." "We are about to embark upon the great crusade..."

'In an unexpected development, an illegal alien won 'American Idol.''

'Eat your lettuce. It'll put colour back in your cheeks.'

"Mom, can I obliterate New Jersey? Pleeease, mom?"

'Too many students taking Mickey Mouse subjects.'

"Every good scene in that move was in the coming attractions...why did we even bother to come watch it?"

'Yes. No. Sometimes. No. No. Yes. Don't know. Sometimes. Yes. Mo.'

Don Jr.

"It's a cross between pop and rap. We call it 'pap.'"

"Is this 'pollocks'."

"This internet survey is asking me to take another survey rating the survey I'm taking."

'She'll be back!!!'

The Unbearableness of Being Inanimate

"You're not fooling me. I can spot 'fake mews'."

Celebrity 10 o'clock news...

"In view of climate change, I'd put all my money into ice cream, mineral water and weapons!"

HornyWood

'Voila!! No more wrinkles!!'