Plant Nursery Worker T-Shirts

'Personnel, hire someone with a green thumb quick!'

Man at desk in Peter's Poisonous Plants Inc. is killed by one of his own plants.

Gardener

Don't forget the hosepipe ban!

'You have to Marvell eh - 'annihalating all that's made to a green thought in a green shade.''

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

The Velvet Mesquite

Free Range Employees.

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

Man transplants plant in his garden.

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

"Dad, can we please just buy a week wacker?"

Growing a business....

'In the corporate world, I'm a survivor.'

"Remember that half-dead sansevieria you put out on the balcony back in January of 1994, pal?"

'I wanted you in a position where I felt you could grow.'

The Last Days of a Hydrangea

'Take me to your weeder!'

'Bruce! 'ow many times must I tell 'ya? Only one wave of the bloomin' terroir flag over the fruit!'

Man is injured transporting cacti.

'My first day in our vineyard wasn't a total loss, honey. I found two pennies.'

'It's a clear case of dehydration.'

'I came into spray the plants and he fainted.'

'Have you ever crushed grapes, Mr Bigfoot?'

Recycle Station for Confidential Files

"Hey. What are you doing to that card?"

Ocotillo

"I'm desperate, John. Please lend me your lawnmower."

The not-so-living wall

"Wow, a full vat of grapes in 32 seconds! You're hired!"

'Sell some? But then there'd be less for me.'

"Oh no, Daisy's committing herbicide!"

"Is this one a flower or a weed? I'm not sure whether to admire it or not."

'Yeah, I think it has too much tannin, too.'