Plant Nursery Worker Pillows

'Personnel, hire someone with a green thumb quick!'

Man at desk in Peter's Poisonous Plants Inc. is killed by one of his own plants.

'Plant Hire.'

Don't forget the hosepipe ban!

Gardener

Don't mind us. We're just trying to eat more locally grown food.

'You have to Marvell eh - 'annihalating all that's made to a green thought in a green shade.''

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

The Velvet Mesquite

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

Free Range Employees.

Man transplants plant in his garden.

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

Don't you wish you worked in an office sometimes? No! Tree's Tree Nursery. There's nothing here to listen to. Are you kidding. Whoosh. Crack. Rustle. Thwump. Caw. Yes, but there's no ironic commentary. Are you kidding?

"Dad, can we please just buy a week wacker?"

'In the corporate world, I'm a survivor.'

"Remember that half-dead sansevieria you put out on the balcony back in January of 1994, pal?"

Growing a business....

'I wanted you in a position where I felt you could grow.'

The Last Days of a Hydrangea

'Take me to your weeder!'

'Bruce! 'ow many times must I tell 'ya? Only one wave of the bloomin' terroir flag over the fruit!'

Man is injured transporting cacti.

'My first day in our vineyard wasn't a total loss, honey. I found two pennies.'

'It's a clear case of dehydration.'

'I came into spray the plants and he fainted.'

Recycle Station for Confidential Files

'Have you ever crushed grapes, Mr Bigfoot?'

Ocotillo

I've got lettuce, snow peas and radishes planted. Seeds. Next I'll plant beans, zucchini, leeks and chard. Plus tomatoes and basil. A lot of work for stuff no one wants to eat.

"Wow, a full vat of grapes in 32 seconds! You're hired!"

The not-so-living wall

'Sell some? But then there'd be less for me.'

"Hey. What are you doing to that card?"

"I'm desperate, John. Please lend me your lawnmower."