Plant Neglector Gifts

"I thought you'd like it. It's an orchid. pre-neglected!"

The Busy Gardener

'Make sure you pretend to water it.'

'You say 'dead.' I say 'low maintenance.''

Gardener attacked by plants.

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

Maybe I should have measured my garden before going shopping....

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

"We really need more perennials? Aren't my weeds and crabgrass enough?"

Plant Lady

"Cheery little flowers, saying good night, saying good morning!"

'We use to tiptoe through the tulips. . . now we just waddle through the weeds.'

'I used to do that, but it just grows again.'

"Usually gardeners only have green thumbs, so you must really spend a lot of time in the garden."

"Looks like we grafted a few too many human genes into the kohlrabi."

An Unexpected Guest.

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

Garden Goddess.

Garden Shop - Top Soil, Bottom Soil (manure)

...gon make you sweat...gon make you groove

An old man growing berries

'Betty liked the way her house provided lots of private space.'

Herbophiles protest mass killings of plants.

"I'm losing my patience with you."

"Can you tell the oak tree to tell the birch tree to tell the elm tree I said hi?"

"Would it kill you to give me a hug?"

Botany Baby!

"Security? There's a goddam tree in my office."

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.

Tree Passion

Gerald was convinced his plants could understand...and dig what he was saying!

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fived on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

'I slave away all summer getting the garden just right to relax in - then autumn arrives!

'This plant which you brought to me from your office snubs all my other plants.'