Plant-based Practitioner Gifts

"So much for going vegan."

"States of tofu"

Queen of Quinoa

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

Veggie Hall of Fame.

"We would like to be genetically modified to taste like Brussels sprouts."

"I don't care if it's plant-based, you're creeping everyone out."

"You had me at alternative milk."

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

"I just found a lacto-vegan restaurant and Janet from accounts says she's FRUITAIAN!"

"Our vegan dishes are the same as what cows eat: Nitrates, Pesticides, Ammonia, Antibiotics..."

"How would you like your soy protein, mixed tocopherols and methylcellulose patty?"

'New Barbeque.'

"Remember that half-dead sansevieria you put out on the balcony back in January of 1994, pal?"

"But Herman, we can't just throw in the towel like that."

"How did you cure your dog of begging for food?"

"It helps if you think of it as a turkey."

Dale regretted going to the Vegan restaurant.

"After going vegan, replacing all the animal heads just made sense.'

"'Tofu'? Qu'est-ce que c'est 'tofu'?"

'It's a clear case of dehydration.'

"... And that's an 18-pound piece of tofu I shot at Whole Foods."

The early days of tofurkey.

"I can't remember which ones are plant-based."

Fruit and Vegetables - protestors signs read 'Stop this brutality' and 'Herbophiles protest mass killings of plants'.

The vegan hunter

'The only vegan item on the menu is the menu itself.'

"How almond milk is made"

"I only invest in alternative meat products, so I reject the terms 'Bull' and 'Bear'."

'Sorry to interrupt - your monastery is on fire...the IRS wants to talk to you - and something about a missing case of wine.'

"Hey. What are you doing to that card?"

"It's not addicting, all natural, recycled and plant-based...it's cud!"

'I'll try the 'Hippy meal'.'