Plant-based Lifestyles Gifts

"You had me at alternative milk."

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

"States of tofu"

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

See you at the farmers market!

Before/After

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

"Just a couple of ninety cent seed packets, and you can have fresh garden vegetables for heaven knows how long."

Happy Surrogate Thanksgiving

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

"I don't care if it's plant-based, you're creeping everyone out."

"How would you like your soy protein, mixed tocopherols and methylcellulose patty?"

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

"Our vegan dishes are the same as what cows eat: Nitrates, Pesticides, Ammonia, Antibiotics..."

"I just found a lacto-vegan restaurant and Janet from accounts says she's FRUITAIAN!"

"Wine is plant-based food."

"I'm getting subtle hints of chlorophyll."

"She's passed out...quick! take her pulses!"

"After going vegan, replacing all the animal heads just made sense.'

"... And that's an 18-pound piece of tofu I shot at Whole Foods."

Fruit and Vegetables - protestors signs read 'Stop this brutality' and 'Herbophiles protest mass killings of plants'.

"I can't remember which ones are plant-based."

The vegan hunter

Sir, we have plenty of fine herbal tea for you to sample...but you're drinking the potpourri.

"Were you genuinely interested in where I get my protein, or was it the introductory question to a long and pointless attack on my personal dietary choices?"

'You want to become a vegan?... Well okay, but you do realise there'll be nothing lower than you on the food chain?'

The It Tastes Like Cr*p Because Its Healthy Cafe

"It's not addicting, all natural, recycled and plant-based...it's cud!"

'Soy milk, soy burgers...imagine being replaced by a bean.'

"I know it's made of tofu, Paul, but you're missing the point."

Vegan Menu

"I'm worried that not everyone knows I'm a vegan!"

"Sorry Matilda, but we're going to have to let you go...on the bright side, I hear they're hiring over at Chik-Fi

"It makes me feel sort of... guilty!"