Plant-based Lifestyles Gifts

"You had me at alternative milk."

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

"States of tofu"

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

Before/After

See you at the farmers market!

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

"Just a couple of ninety cent seed packets, and you can have fresh garden vegetables for heaven knows how long."

Happy Surrogate Thanksgiving

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

"I don't care if it's plant-based, you're creeping everyone out."

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

"I just found a lacto-vegan restaurant and Janet from accounts says she's FRUITAIAN!"

"Our vegan dishes are the same as what cows eat: Nitrates, Pesticides, Ammonia, Antibiotics..."

"How would you like your soy protein, mixed tocopherols and methylcellulose patty?"

"I'm getting subtle hints of chlorophyll."

"Wine is plant-based food."

"After going vegan, replacing all the animal heads just made sense.'

"She's passed out...quick! take her pulses!"

"I can't remember which ones are plant-based."

The vegan hunter

Fruit and Vegetables - protestors signs read 'Stop this brutality' and 'Herbophiles protest mass killings of plants'.

"... And that's an 18-pound piece of tofu I shot at Whole Foods."

Sir, we have plenty of fine herbal tea for you to sample...but you're drinking the potpourri.

"What've you got that's good for vegans?"

'You want to become a vegan?... Well okay, but you do realise there'll be nothing lower than you on the food chain?'

"It's not addicting, all natural, recycled and plant-based...it's cud!"

The It Tastes Like Cr*p Because Its Healthy Cafe

"Were you genuinely interested in where I get my protein, or was it the introductory question to a long and pointless attack on my personal dietary choices?"

'Soy milk, soy burgers...imagine being replaced by a bean.'

Vegan Menu

"I'm worried that not everyone knows I'm a vegan!"

"Sorry Matilda, but we're going to have to let you go...on the bright side, I hear they're hiring over at Chik-Fi

"It makes me feel sort of... guilty!"