Plant-based Eating Gifts

'Don't worry - it's made entirely from soya-based meat substitute.'

"States of tofu"

Before/After

"Wine is plant-based food."

'Oh yeah, really healthy! You do realize that cereal is just another soy based product?'

"Worlds are colliding. This is plant-based Spam."

"I'm looking for ground beef that's organic, non-GMO, and doesn't contain meat."

Health Foods: Closed Due to Illness

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

The Jolly Green Giant Squid

"Two vegans, please."

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

Happy Surrogate Thanksgiving

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

"I don't care if it's plant-based, you're creeping everyone out."

"You had me at alternative milk."

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

"I just found a lacto-vegan restaurant and Janet from accounts says she's FRUITAIAN!"

"Our vegan dishes are the same as what cows eat: Nitrates, Pesticides, Ammonia, Antibiotics..."

"How would you like your soy protein, mixed tocopherols and methylcellulose patty?"

'This high fiber diet is great! I've lost 10 pounds since I started eating my stuffing.'

(Direct to the Consumer)

"I'm getting subtle hints of chlorophyll."

"She's passed out...quick! take her pulses!"

"After going vegan, replacing all the animal heads just made sense.'

"... And that's an 18-pound piece of tofu I shot at Whole Foods."

The vegan hunter

Fruit and Vegetables - protestors signs read 'Stop this brutality' and 'Herbophiles protest mass killings of plants'.

"I can't remember which ones are plant-based."

'It's your lucky day. I just went vegan.'

"And your tofu, would you like food with that?"

The It Tastes Like Cr*p Because Its Healthy Cafe