Plant-based Cooking Gifts

Butcher shop +

"States of tofu"

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

The Jolly Green Giant Squid

Before/After

"Two vegans, please."

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

Happy Surrogate Thanksgiving

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

"I don't care if it's plant-based, you're creeping everyone out."

"You had me at alternative milk."

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

The Authentic Christmas.

"How would you like your soy protein, mixed tocopherols and methylcellulose patty?"

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

"I just found a lacto-vegan restaurant and Janet from accounts says she's FRUITAIAN!"

'Non-alcohol beer, unsalted potato chips and tofu hot dogs? Why did you accept a party invitation from a cardiologist?'

"I'm getting subtle hints of chlorophyll."

"Wine is plant-based food."

'No, you can't complain to the waiter about the vegetables floating in your soup. It's vegetable soup!'

The Perfect Garden.

"After going vegan, replacing all the animal heads just made sense.'

"She's passed out...quick! take her pulses!"

The vegan hunter

"... And that's an 18-pound piece of tofu I shot at Whole Foods."

Fruit and Vegetables - protestors signs read 'Stop this brutality' and 'Herbophiles protest mass killings of plants'.

'It's gluten-free or free range or something. Enjoy.'

'It's your lucky day. I just went vegan.'

"And your tofu, would you like food with that?"

"Were you genuinely interested in where I get my protein, or was it the introductory question to a long and pointless attack on my personal dietary choices?"