Plant-based Gastronomy Guru Gifts

Bounty Burger

Counting ribs

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

'So glad you could make our vegetarian BBQ.'

"Two vegans, please."

"Is the MSG local?"

The Jolly Green Giant Squid

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

"They always throw us stale bread, so I've decided to bake my own, fresh break..."

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

'This is the fun part...waiting to find out just what we've ordered.

"How's the salmon?"

An experimentalist alarms his guests by describing the appearance of the mushrooms in a dish they have just eaten.

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"I think foie gras is French for endless buffet."

Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!

"What if Newton came up with a different idea from a fallen apple."

"That was a great ideaof yours, chester."

60 minute wait for a table, 15 minute wait for a server, 40 minutes for teh appetizers...

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

Vegetarian Nightmare.

"I'm unable to process this image."

"Who ordered the moose en croute?"

Happy hour.

In-House Entertainment Consists Of Man Riding Pizza Cutter Cutting Giant Pizza While Making a Pizza

'Maybe we shouldn't show how sausage and foie gras are made on the same day.'

"I just found a lacto-vegan restaurant and Janet from accounts says she's FRUITAIAN!"

'Beat 3,000 eggs and add one quart of 10-30W oil? So much for putting my recipes on the computer.'

"Fresh pepper?"

"How would you like your soy protein, mixed tocopherols and methylcellulose patty?"