Placebo Ponderers Gifts

"You want a generic or a regular sugar pill?"

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

"WOW, we're on top of the world!"

Need a vitaminlike pill, but don't want to risk the side effects? Then try the world's first multivitamin placebo! They don't do any good, but they don't do any harm either.

"Get another opinion if you wish, Mr. Von Flip...But I'm confident it will still come up ' heads - we operate.'"

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

"I hate it when the palcebo does better than the drugs we're testing."

Max Weber

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

Telling Self to Buzz Off

Bizarre sequence of computer-generated random numbers

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

'I'd prefer it if the view was closer.'

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'

"Woah - random!"

I see

What brings you to therapy, Rudy? Dr. Noodle. I've been feeling like my whole life is on pause. And I can't find the remote to unpause it. Meanwhile, everyone else's stories are proceeding apace. They're all into the second act already. They've all had plot twists, and hero's journeys, and epic love scenes, and thrilling reversals of fortune ... Meanwhile, I'm still paused on the opening credits because no remote. Why don't you get up off the couch and unpause it manually? You can do that?

'Turn your thinking cap around, Robert.'

Yeah, I woke up as a roach because I was so full of existential dread – Why did you wake up as a dung beetle?

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

'Please don't read anything into the fact that I'm wearing loafers. I assure you I'm a very energetic worker.'

Caption Contest TK

'Actually, I'm a placebo psychiatrist.'

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

"Caution! Now entering the margin of error."

Goalkeeping Dog

"Would you look at the carrot on that guy!"

Are these sessions as soul-deadening for you as they are for me, doctor? Let's not have a contest, Al. Or, if we do, no wagering.