Pirate Pretenders Gifts

'He's going to walk the plank. The least we can do is let him stretch his quads first.'

Remote control pirate bully

Pirate boy reciting the alphabet

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

Teacher pointing to P,Q, on board: "OK class, which letter comes next? Redbeard, you should know this."

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

'Cannonball!'

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

"Is this the best investment strategy you could come up with?"

Pirate Squirrels Looking for Buried Treasure

The Dubloon Stops Here

'Are we there yet?'

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

"Look what I found. Can we keep him?" "Wow! A real pirate!!" "Go ask your mother."

"Just one more thump. . . just one more thump."

"You're lucky someone was nice enough to turn it in."

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

No caption. (On a pirate ship various flags fly, including flags with a skull and crossbones and other banners showing logos from various social media sites. On the boat deck below, a pirate is looking at his cell phone).

"Buzz off, Fly-boy. We don't need more accessories."

"As I was only saying the other day..."

"I got a swiss army hook!"

'It's true what they say: People often look like their pets...'

Treasure Island Book.

Any idea how long your family might be visiting?

'Isn't he supposed to sit on your shoulder Captain?'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"It's hard not to take a mutiny personally."

"What if we're just a ship in somebody's bottle? Yar, here comes me existential crisis."

Pirates double up as a scratching post.

"According to the map, the treasure should be right behind that door."

"Here's one, Matey! 'Must Love Parrots.'"

"Tonight we dine with the devil. But tomorrow we really need to finish what's left in the fridge."

"That's the last time I buy a dog from a cartoonist."

'I like to greet the new team members myself.'