Pirate Pretenders Gifts

'He's going to walk the plank. The least we can do is let him stretch his quads first.'

Remote control pirate bully

Pirate boy reciting the alphabet

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

Teacher pointing to P,Q, on board: "OK class, which letter comes next? Redbeard, you should know this."

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

'Cannonball!'

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

"Is this the best investment strategy you could come up with?"

Pirate Squirrels Looking for Buried Treasure

"Look what I found. Can we keep him?" "Wow! A real pirate!!" "Go ask your mother."

'Are we there yet?'

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

The Dubloon Stops Here

"As I was only saying the other day..."

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"Just one more thump. . . just one more thump."

"You're lucky someone was nice enough to turn it in."

"Buzz off, Fly-boy. We don't need more accessories."

"I got a swiss army hook!"

"It's hard not to take a mutiny personally."

'Isn't he supposed to sit on your shoulder Captain?'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'It's true what they say: People often look like their pets...'

Treasure Island Book.

"What if we're just a ship in somebody's bottle? Yar, here comes me existential crisis."

Pirates double up as a scratching post.

"According to the map, the treasure should be right behind that door."

Cat scratches on a pirate's wooden leg.

'He's been there ever since he ate the parrot!'

'It's the pink spot, Jim lad - them rascals is going to try and tweak my nipples!'

"Shred the plank."

Captain Hook getting his hook stuck in the rail, again