Pioneers Gifts

Gerbils of the Old West

Are you the guy who ate my brother?

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

"We made all the wheels out of old coffee tables and chandeliers."

"My preferred pronoun is they."

"Gosh, I can't believe it's been over 25 years since our company was dragged, kicking and screaming, into the digital age!"

"There is a 5 month slow down. You are still on the fastest route. You will arrive next year."

"....Reception on my tablet is so much better since I added wifi to my mule..."

To prevent Christmas git opening from being over in a flash, the Wagner kids were required to use only their feet.

"Before someone says anything, yes, it was a long winter."

The conversion.

Pioneers of the ancient west

"Listen, the first pterodactyl of spring."

'Another invention? -- You are SUCH a geek!'

'I don't get it! Not one of these books gives the same advice TWICE!

'If you don't like fathers in the delivery room, where will you be?'

Davy Crocat

Along with being the first passengers on the space elevator, Fenwick and Charles set a new world record for longest awkward elevator silence.

'It hasn't been a complete failure - we've learned volumes about falling.'

"Does it come with instructions?"

Pasteur and those who came before him and failed.

'Him?.. Oh, he's the guy who discovered fire.'

Early American Think Tank.

Wagon

'I took her to register in kindergarten, and they wanted a damage deposit.'

'Our new neighbor an urban farmer.'

L'il Buckaroo.

For centuries we have stared down at them in awe, but with this new invention, we will finally be able to harness the awesome power of walking.

"I'm on the range, but I'm not home on the range."

'These new bendy wagons will be handy when pulling em into a circle.'

Rotisserie Chicken Rope Maker

"Hacking your way through the jungle with one of those things is so last century, Federson."

'Just what we need - mass transit.'

'He's a Tex'an.'

'I understand that the two of you had a rather successful collaboration on our new sex manual!'