Pioneers Gifts

Are you the guy who ate my brother?

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

"We made all the wheels out of old coffee tables and chandeliers."

"My preferred pronoun is they."

"Gosh, I can't believe it's been over 25 years since our company was dragged, kicking and screaming, into the digital age!"

"There is a 5 month slow down. You are still on the fastest route. You will arrive next year."

"....Reception on my tablet is so much better since I added wifi to my mule..."

To prevent Christmas git opening from being over in a flash, the Wagner kids were required to use only their feet.

Pioneers of the ancient west

"Before someone says anything, yes, it was a long winter."

'Another invention? -- You are SUCH a geek!'

"Listen, the first pterodactyl of spring."

The conversion.

Davy Crocat

'It hasn't been a complete failure - we've learned volumes about falling.'

Along with being the first passengers on the space elevator, Fenwick and Charles set a new world record for longest awkward elevator silence.

"Does it come with instructions?"

'If you don't like fathers in the delivery room, where will you be?'

'I don't get it! Not one of these books gives the same advice TWICE!

Pasteur and those who came before him and failed.

'Him?.. Oh, he's the guy who discovered fire.'

'I took her to register in kindergarten, and they wanted a damage deposit.'

L'il Buckaroo.

Early American Think Tank.

Wagon

'Our new neighbor an urban farmer.'

For centuries we have stared down at them in awe, but with this new invention, we will finally be able to harness the awesome power of walking.

Rotisserie Chicken Rope Maker

'These new bendy wagons will be handy when pulling em into a circle.'

"I'm on the range, but I'm not home on the range."

'Just what we need - mass transit.'

'He's a Tex'an.'

"Me not know why, but him cool now."

'Please tell me that wasn't a discouraging word I heard?'