Pint Ponderer Gifts

Landlord checking money, Customer checking ale

"Where do you see yourself in five beers?"

The Old Dun Cow - Bitter & twisted.

'Well, how many pints do you weigh?'

Happy thoughts

"If this beer had a head it would hang it in shame."

'Last week I batted a century, and when I got in, all the beer was gone.'

'I see the price of food is up again.' - 'Yes, 10 pence a pint.'

'So Dave, you've been drinking here for the past 10 years...5 nights a week...how come you don't have a beer belly?'

'A woman drove me to drink and I never had the courtesy to thank her!'

Memory-Loss Foam.

Graffiti about dominoes, beer etc. Old man says: 'To deter vandals, I'm doing my own graffiti.'

'Well,we had a good run.' - Worldwide Hops Shortage.

Beer Bellies.

"I'm pretty sure the alcohol neutralizes the gluten."

"Leave it you guys! We have this EVERY-SINGLE-TIME we go anywhere!!"

Wildlife

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

Frog to other frog: 'Hey, nice pad.'

Water Gardening: One thing is certain - you will find the peace and tranquility of water an almost irresistible attraction.

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

'Thanks, we really appreciate this. Yeah, the middle button. Don't worry, it's auto-focus - just aim and shoot.'

But there are other pleasures still for the fisherman's delight....for nature is everywhere about him.

Business Duck

"This blood knot ought to be re-named the blood, sweat and tears knot."

"I can't wait to start growing limbs so that I can use a tablet..."

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

'My horoscope said I was going to make someone happy today.'

'Euro's down against the pound, dollars up against yen, pound is... what the hell don't expect cheap meals in France!'

'Its that final touch that makes it seem just like a natural pond.'

'I'll say this for you young Thoreu - he certainly does make good use of his pond.'

Six frogs leap off their lily pads.

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

'Would you like your dividend in pennies, nickels or bitcoin?'