Ping-pong Punster Gifts

conversing using table tennis technology

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

Another Turning Point in History. Oh, the heck with it -- I'll never get these antlers right. Mickey Moose.

Dogs life

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

A-Hem! I'm still singing here!

"I do lover a good prawn film!"

"Hallelujah!"

'I'd never bite the hand that feeds me - but I won't pull its finger, either.'

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

Hamlet.

"Is that one of those brandy dogs?"

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'

"Hmmmm. I'll bluff. Then they'll counter-bluff, so if I counter-counter-bluff...password should do it."

'Shakin' bacon.'

His Other Shtick

'To save the state the expense of a trial, I thought I'd run off to Spain.'

'Hey, Lady, this is a sixty zone!'

'I'm the veterinarian of Cheshire who spays and neuters Cheshire pets.'

Professional Cell Phone Accessories

Mobile Holmes.

Surfin' the web.

Timmy Gets Solitary.

Pork Sausage.

Where's Slinky going? To Florida, for spring training.

'I have a rasp in my throat.'

"So the vet says, 'If this is my thermometer, then where's my pen?' . . . Get it!? . . . IS this thing on!?"

Baby Grand Larceny

'I'm not the first visionary who's been accused of extreme optimism.'

"Your lives will continue to stink until you find your center."