Ping-pong Punster Pillows

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

Dogs life

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

A-Hem! I'm still singing here!

"I do lover a good prawn film!"

"Hallelujah!"

'I'd never bite the hand that feeds me - but I won't pull its finger, either.'

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

Hamlet.

"Is that one of those brandy dogs?"

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'

"Hmmmm. I'll bluff. Then they'll counter-bluff, so if I counter-counter-bluff...password should do it."

'Shakin' bacon.'

His Other Shtick

Professional Cell Phone Accessories

'I'm the veterinarian of Cheshire who spays and neuters Cheshire pets.'

'Hey, Lady, this is a sixty zone!'

'To save the state the expense of a trial, I thought I'd run off to Spain.'

Surfin' the web.

Pork Sausage.

Baby Grand Larceny

"So the vet says, 'If this is my thermometer, then where's my pen?' . . . Get it!? . . . IS this thing on!?"

Timmy Gets Solitary.

'I have a rasp in my throat.'

'I'm not the first visionary who's been accused of extreme optimism.'

"I just had a horrible dream - I was wallowing in apple sauce."