Pie Whisperer Gifts

Husband bakes a pie

'We need someone who can mop the floor, take care of the garbage, and bake pies.'

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

"Let's just go in and see what happens."

Give quiche a chance!

'Other dogs howl at the moon, I've trained mine to play Bach.'

Pie Filling Reader

A woman playing a keyboard

"Dad! The bathroom pipes are clogged up!"

"They play union in heaven... where do they play football?"

'Lungs, normal. Heart, normal. Kidneys, normal. For the life of me, I can't figure out where your pain is coming... wait. Do you play hockey?'

"He's cooing on the ledge. May I take a message?"

Acupuncturist Society Cocktail Party - 'For heaven's sake, Brian, it's only a pineapple chunk!'

'Aren't collar doves cute!'

Cleaning the Horse

Never clip him yourself unless you are an expert.

"Got anything else? I gave up carbs."

Frederic Chopin

"Sorry about that. Just following the serving suggestion."

'Gone out, Your dinners in your face'

Freudian vs Behavior therapist.

'SSHHH, PIANOS. TWO GRANDS AND A BABY. ONE HAS THE LID UP AND THE OTHER ONE IS BARING ITS KEYS. BETTER GET THE CELLO.'

The Four Seasonings.

"After the aversion therapy, please feel free to take home any pie remnants."

'I had no choice. He pulled a fork on me.'

"I'm not a kid anymore, mom. I can hit myself in the face with a pie by myself."

"I'd better go -- I think my wife's menopause has arrived."

'Pencil for Cartoonists.'

"I told your parents I would convert."

'If you can smile when everything around you is going wrong... you're probably in the repair business!'

"Be careful - these things have consequences. Tax consequences."

'Yeah, these work great...give me five dozen!'

'Tom, you have always had a great ear for music.'

Wordplay: Road Rage