Picture-perfect Foodie Gifts

"Did you get the Gundersons' pics of their Caribbean cruise?"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

Domestic Goddess.

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

"...And would sir care to kill the rabbit himself?"

'Therapy?'

'What wine goes with enormous expense account?.'

"Smoked salmon, sir?" "I prefer to eat it, thanks."

'Is it organic?'

'Hey, honey bun!'

'Tasty bird.'

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

Executive Tacos

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

Stand back - while I whip something up

'Have you noticed how portions are getting bigger?'

"I wonder how many Facebook likes I'll get."

"Why waste money on perfume when his favorite scent is stuffed pork chops?"

"This is a self-service diner. I cook the meals and I eat them myself."

"I am off duty, but the body cam allows me to discreetly take photos of my meal."

Salad Hat

"Have you ever licked cream off a woman's body?"

"If I'd wanted a Picasso I'd have gone to an art gallery, wouldn't I?"

"Yes, you could have cooked it, but you didn't."

"I can see that you're a cultured individual..."

'I recommend looking down your wife's top, sir.'

“Here’s to the 240 bucks we’re paying the sitter.”

"Is this business or pleasure?"

this place got five stars for its fresh food

"... Flirting with your boyfriend?... Oh, sorry dear. I thought he was the waiter."

When I see you I turn to jelly!

Master Chef