Picky Pet Sympathizer Gifts

'And he's so picky about what brand of tiny toilet paper he'll use. It would be much easier if we could just train him to use the litter box like the rest of us!'

Dogs all across town saw fit to teach their owners a little empathy...

'I just love that little fluffy grey kitten!'

Separation

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

"I guess people want dogs with no problems. Lucky for me, all I've got is quirks."

"I'm beginning to worry she might work out who is really in charge."

So doctor, what you're saying is that all the time I thought she was a crazy cat lady, it was me who had mental health issues...

"Hi, I'm Miranda: I like sniffing bums, rolling about in dead things and chasing tennis balls. . ."

Rescue dog rejecting potential owners

'I'm not an indoor cat. I'm a bitter, angry, frustrated, resentful, repressed cat.'

Dog Thoughts

'I wanted to hear the pita pata of tiny feet so he bought me a hamster.'

"They think it's easy being the bleedin' bluebird of happiness!"

'Why can't you just chew bones like other dogs?' (dog smoking pipe).

"Who the hell keeps doing that?"

Dog dreams of sleeping in masters chair.

'Good old fashioned turkey shoot.'

"Enough with the criticism!"

"We will have to go back. The dog wants to go out."

"I tried blogging, texting and tweeting. . . but there's no better way to express anger than barking!"

'Buster was in a little accident, but he'll be good as new in 6 weeks.'

"I taught him to shake hands, and now he's running for congress!"

'He's a very compassionate cat. He never kills any of the animals he catches.'

"It's no bed of mice and string for me either."

Man to complaints clerk: 'My dog just died and I think my wife's cheating on me.'

'How many times did I say it? Rex, I said, don't go too close to the cliff.'

Sorry to hear about your accident.

'He's so bright he scares me!'

'Stop Fred, don't taunt this one: He's a guide dog...'

'Don't worry Vicar. He's only looking at you like that because you're eating off his plate...'

Cat Attitude

'Heal!' 'Heel!'

Innocent Civilians