Pickup Philosopher Gifts

"Forget it - she's out of your league."

"Trust me, Lew, if anyone knows where the salmon are jumping, she does!"

reincarnated worm...

"You don't throw them back if they're too small!"

"It turns out crows find a bunch of dead crows more frightening than a man made out of hay."

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

"You don't whisper anymore."

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

He can lean back in contentment on cowslip banks and let everything wash over him.

'The secret to life, my friend, is hoppiness!'

"Maybe you should go make sure we're in the right line."

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

'I'm thinking the bee beard is the main reson that you're still single'

"Oh, don't mind that, it's just my body of unseen work."

Hello, this is Cable News. Oh. I'm Mortimer Park. As you know, we only have four short years until the next presidential election. So it's time to start asking: Who should run? Whom do you prefer? (A) Al Gore … (B) John Kerry … (C) Marco Rubio … (D) Ted Cruz ... (E) Christ Christie ... House of Java Cybercafe. How about (F) You? Mr. Eugene Yu is actually (T).

Buy one beer, get one free. If I may paraphrase a famous quote, "Beer is proof that God has mixed feelings about us and wants us to be hungover."

'That's her second pitcher and she doesn't even like beer - I guess she just likes to pee.'

Two Men Angler's In A Storm.

'He's trying to talk them into giving themselves up!'

Quadruple dark hot chocolate. Whoa, everything all right? Sure, yeah, great. I'm a journalist and writer in an era in which the printed word has been totally devalued by free distribution of information on the internet. Can I pay in prose? Point taken.

"Have you consider the possibility that I don't want the paper?"

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

"My husband is fishing. . ."

Grass: We lost some good men today!

Man visits palm reader with 'Doing Anything Tonight?' written on his hands.

Continental Drift.

'Not only am I a frequent flyer, I'm a frequent waiter.'

'We'll have a bed for you in a couple of days.'

"You forgot to adjust your hilling discs again, didn't you?"

Fisherman get a good catch.

"So, Ben, what do you want to be when you stop sponging off your parents?"

Dept. de Philosophie

'I'd like to participate in gym class, but I'm afraid I'll get overheated and contribute to the global warming problem.'

TSA Lines

'Why do I always pick the slow moving queue?'