Piano Bar Regular Pillows

"No, no, no! We never start playing with an empty jar!"

'I will now perform 'Sonata for piano bar in D major' '.

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

'No ice.'

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

Grand. Baby Grand. Toddler Grand. Teen Grand.

"Space is curved and time is relative? Yeah, OK...I'm calling you a cab right now, buddy."

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

"I need to increase my salary so I can increase my spending."

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

"I forget to drink."

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

"Just water for me, please."

Redhead

'Do you believe in reincarnation?' - 'I don't now, but I did when I was Napoleon.'

"The Ususal, Mr. B?"

'After hours of rehearsing together, little Judy Barlow is going to play 'Three Blind Mice' while her father screams, 'Keep that racket down, will ya?''

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

Watching the football.

'No more for me, thanks - I've already had a skinful.'

'They've made this 3D football really realistic, it even chucks coins at you.'

A man reads a book called 'Opening Lines' while a woman reads a book called 'Brush Offs'.

'My - You've matured, my dear.'

'At least they can't touch the village local' say two country gents. The pub now has a sign on the window saying 'This is now a smoke free pub, also no dogs or horsey types!'

'What's wrong with him?' - 'He drank a glass of water by mistake.'

A planet like ours - pub quiz dolphin

"I was wondering if you could recommend a good 'hoppy' beer?"

"Haven't you ever heard of the first amendment?"

"What a day. I almost lost my smug look of detached superiority."

"Yeah! It was GREAT teaming up with Catwoman. I just wish she didn't sleep for 18 hours a day..."

"He's So Your Type."

"From the gentleman at the end of the bar. Again."

"Blowing the whistle is perfect for a sports bar to let its patrons know that Happy Hour is over."

"It's a full moon somewhere."