Piano Bar Regular Mugs

"No, no, no! We never start playing with an empty jar!"

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

'No ice.'

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

"I need to increase my salary so I can increase my spending."

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

"I forget to drink."

"The Ususal, Mr. B?"

Redhead

'Do you believe in reincarnation?' - 'I don't now, but I did when I was Napoleon.'

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

"Just water for me, please."

'After hours of rehearsing together, little Judy Barlow is going to play 'Three Blind Mice' while her father screams, 'Keep that racket down, will ya?''

Watching the football.

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

'No more for me, thanks - I've already had a skinful.'

A man reads a book called 'Opening Lines' while a woman reads a book called 'Brush Offs'.

'They've made this 3D football really realistic, it even chucks coins at you.'

'My - You've matured, my dear.'

'At least they can't touch the village local' say two country gents. The pub now has a sign on the window saying 'This is now a smoke free pub, also no dogs or horsey types!'

A planet like ours - pub quiz dolphin

'What's wrong with him?' - 'He drank a glass of water by mistake.'

"Haven't you ever heard of the first amendment?"

"I was wondering if you could recommend a good 'hoppy' beer?"

"Yeah! It was GREAT teaming up with Catwoman. I just wish she didn't sleep for 18 hours a day..."

"He's So Your Type."

"Blowing the whistle is perfect for a sports bar to let its patrons know that Happy Hour is over."

"What a day. I almost lost my smug look of detached superiority."

"From the gentleman at the end of the bar. Again."

"It's a full moon somewhere."

'He doesn't actually drink much. He spills most of it!'

"That? - Oh, along about his fourth beer, Old Cunningham, there, usually starts singing 'Greensleeves.'"