Regular At The Bar Mugs

'My job is safe. This guy is a regular and he drinks to forget.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

'No ice.'

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

"Rump roast?"

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

I wish I'd had the review.

'The beef has been genetically modified to make it taste like a more expensive cut.'

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

"And would you like flies with that?"

'Men order. . . women shop.'

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

"I need to increase my salary so I can increase my spending."

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"I forget to drink."

Redhead