Bar Regular Mugs

"I don't know what the big deal is. I've been having rolling blackouts for years."

"Space is curved and time is relative? Yeah, OK...I'm calling you a cab right now, buddy."

'I tried letting my inner child out to play, and I ended up in Juvenile Court!'

"9:35. Oh, good. My life is right on schedule."

"I take it you've never stepped barefooted on a LEGO."

'I've always been a bit of a chick magnet.'

'Sorry, the GSOH in my ad stood for 'Got Syphilis On Holiday'.

'They expect us to vote cold sober?'

"There's no secret formula. I basically just pour scotch over ice."

'What's wrong with him?' - 'He drank a glass of water by mistake.'

'Yeah, well, I don't like YOUR looks either.'

Watching the football.

'I know your face. I just can't place it.'

'As your financial adviser, I would have to advise against lending Dave a tenner until next tuesday.'

A planet like ours - pub quiz dolphin

Jittery businessman at bar: 'Oh, the job has some stress, but seem it doesn't fortunately to be me affecting.'

"This 12-year-old malt...it's very small for it's age!"

'Well, at least you don't think I'm crazy!'

'I'm trying to see if blondes really do have more fun.'

"What? - The French are an hour ahead of us?? - That means they know everything that's going to happen before we do..!!"

'I've got some bad news. It turns out the Invisible man was only transparent.'

'I want a divorce because that's the way I deal with stress.'

'Late night horror programme anyone?' (Australians watching Test Match Cricket).

"That guy's a real chick magnet."

"Olive, twist, or vole?"

"It's my emotional-support beard."

"He's So Your Type."

What do you say we put next Saturday on our calendars? Next Saturday is already on my calendar. It

I've always seen the glass as half empty, not half full

Happy Hour 5-7. My brother is an attorney. Based on what I've told him, he says your so-called "Happy Hour" is a prime candidate for a class action lawsuit. ? ?

"Hey! I knew I could depend on you two!"

"I used to be funny. Now I'm married."

"I come from a large family but they've all been eaten."

"It's discretionary income but I occasionally use it for indiscretions."

"Haven't you ever heard of the first amendment?"