Bar Regular Pillows

"I don't know what the big deal is. I've been having rolling blackouts for years."

"9:35. Oh, good. My life is right on schedule."

"There's no secret formula. I basically just pour scotch over ice."

'I've always been a bit of a chick magnet.'

'I tried letting my inner child out to play, and I ended up in Juvenile Court!'

'They expect us to vote cold sober?'

'Sorry, the GSOH in my ad stood for 'Got Syphilis On Holiday'.

"I take it you've never stepped barefooted on a LEGO."

'What's wrong with him?' - 'He drank a glass of water by mistake.'

"This 12-year-old malt...it's very small for it's age!"

Jittery businessman at bar: 'Oh, the job has some stress, but seem it doesn't fortunately to be me affecting.'

'I know your face. I just can't place it.'

'Well, at least you don't think I'm crazy!'

'Yeah, well, I don't like YOUR looks either.'

'I've got some bad news. It turns out the Invisible man was only transparent.'

'As your financial adviser, I would have to advise against lending Dave a tenner until next tuesday.'

'I want a divorce because that's the way I deal with stress.'

A planet like ours - pub quiz dolphin

Watching the football.

'Late night horror programme anyone?' (Australians watching Test Match Cricket).

'I'm trying to see if blondes really do have more fun.'

"What? - The French are an hour ahead of us?? - That means they know everything that's going to happen before we do..!!"

"Hey, you! Wanna be my best friend?"

"I know where the bodies are buried. I buried them."

"I may not be Mr. Right, but I know Mr. Right, and maybe if you sleep with me it will make him jealous."

"It was a day like any other, so I guess I'll have the usual."

"Personally, I like the 'Times' in color."

"Compliments of the gentleman at the end of the bar."

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

"Psst ... it's your bookie."

"Haven't you ever heard of the first amendment?"

"It's discretionary income but I occasionally use it for indiscretions."

"I come from a large family but they've all been eaten."

"Did anyone drop a roll of hundreds? Because I found the rubber band."

"Sure, you're an elephant, but you're not at all elephantine."