Pub Regular Pillows

'Regular or not, sir, you can't claim this as your second home.'

'Look, if the brewery were using genetically modified hops in their beer, don't you think I'd be the first to know about it?'

"The only thing that still works well for me is hysteria."

"I forget to drink."

'At least they can't touch the village local' say two country gents. The pub now has a sign on the window saying 'This is now a smoke free pub, also no dogs or horsey types!'

Woman pointing at dog with white froth round his mouth - Rabies!! Relax, we're having a pint!

"Do you mind if I use yet another sports analogy?"

'I've found this lump on my testicle, would you like to have a look?'

"Bloody hell! If I get another metered water bill like this, I'll have to start selling concentrated ale."

The Three Tuns

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

Mans Best Friend and A Dog

'Friend, we have a bar code here.'

'Sorry, no credit, the only free spirit in here is my barmaid.'

'But we met in here yesterday.' - 'Sorry, but you were so drunk I've forgotten your name.'

'The price of beer must have gone up again.'

"Jerk! They know me here!!"

'He doesn't actually drink much. He spills most of it!'

Tavern: Perfect Attendance.

'Cool, a lock in!'

'Well, how many pints do you weigh?'

'No more for me, thanks - I've already had a skinful.'

'God! This tastes like cats...'

'I've had it too... 'RUN'!'

"Ambitions... to receive the MBE for services to the brewing industry."

"I've been bounced a few times, but never deposed."

When emotional support animals have a few too many.

Them's fightin' words, mister

Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I think I know where you're going with this: Yes, he was talking about happy hour.

You'd like three fingers of whiskey? How much would that be in hooves? Bar.

"I like this guy - he tells you what you want to hear, ad he tells it like it is."

Bill and Irwins Last Visit To the logger's Bar

"So, … do you prefer possum or opossum?''

"Gin before peanuts is an aperitif. After peanuts it's a digestif."

"Honey, I'll be right back – I forgot to stop at the bar on the way home."