Bar Pillows

'I still have a soft spot for my ex- like quicksand!'

"This place has the best happy hour."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"Actually, make that a double cream."

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

'No ice.'

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

"Why am I always the designated driver?!"

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

'No standing while room is in motion.'

Pina Coladas

"I just realized you're my entire entourage."

"I think I speak for my entire generation when I say, 'Yes, I will have another drink.' "

"I don't understand it! My nerd detector's going crazy!"

"Death Star? Is that in the Valley?"

Bar snacks served in bird-feeders.

Best Before 5th Pint.

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

"I think we may be related!"

A shop selling "Ice-cold Vodka" in 31 flavors.

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

Beers

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

Dolphin friendly tuna

"An everything Martini, please."

"It's a new countertop draft system for craft beer!"

"Why is there so much emphasis put on our stupid race?" "I think people are more interested in it as a metaphor than as an actual race." "Slow and steady wins the race, that sort of thing." "That would explain why I always lose..." "Bartender, another please." "Maybe you should slow down." "You never learn do you?"

Shaken not stirred

Joe's 'Take Responsibility For Your Own Actions' Bar.