Bar Sports Pillows

Think I'll be a more effective alpha male if I learn to play pool? That's on of those things you always see an alpha male do: stand around a pool hall polishing his stick and racking up the balls.

'He is our darts team captain,he always finishes on a double.'

"This place has the best happy hour."

"Actually, make that a double cream."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

"Remember when it was 'The Dog and Duck'?"

'No ice.'

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"I just realized you're my entire entourage."

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

Pina Coladas

'No standing while room is in motion.'

"Why am I always the designated driver?!"

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

"I think I speak for my entire generation when I say, 'Yes, I will have another drink.' "

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

A shop selling "Ice-cold Vodka" in 31 flavors.

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

Dolphin friendly tuna

"Death Star? Is that in the Valley?"

Check your universal remote control at the door.

"I don't understand it! My nerd detector's going crazy!"

"Why is there so much emphasis put on our stupid race?" "I think people are more interested in it as a metaphor than as an actual race." "Slow and steady wins the race, that sort of thing." "That would explain why I always lose..." "Bartender, another please." "Maybe you should slow down." "You never learn do you?"

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

"I think we may be related!"

Bar snacks served in bird-feeders.

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

"An everything Martini, please."

Beers

"Space is curved and time is relative? Yeah, OK...I'm calling you a cab right now, buddy."

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

'I'm not drinking with you anymore after what you did to me this morning. . .'