Bar Owner Pillows

"Ain't no drab plumage at closing time."

"For the last time - you and your horsie get away from me and stay away!"

'You'll find it has a bouquet reminiscent of cherries and chocolate, a silky texture and best of all, for me, a 72% gross margin.'

J-J-JOE'S B-B-BAR, 'Actually, Joe's done pretty well for a guy with a speech impediment.'

Caveman turning the wheel into a bar.

"Come on. If you sell beer, you must sell peanuts."

'I grew sick of Madison Avenue,so I quit,bought the bar and never looked back.'

'Fancy a spot of work after drinks?'

"I was grand fathered in from the previous establishment."

'I'm into natural foods, Joe -- give me a martini with a soybean in it.'

"Thanks for getting these printed--but couldn't you think of a snappier slogan?"

'This is a no-frills bar, pal -- You bring your OWN napkins!'

"Quick, I need a drink. Someone just called me Ma'am."

The Endangered Species: Your Local Pub

'I like the way you don't say I've had enough.'

'A pint! Have you got any ID?'

'Did you bring your hard hat? Your wife says you'll need it when you get home.'

"Evenin' gents - what's yer poison..?"

'You'll have to do something about these mood swings, Norman.'

Equality Bar

Business As Usual Bar & Grill: 'How's business? 'Don't ask!'

"Make it one for my baby and one more for the road. And while you're at it I'll have one, too."

"C'mon, speed it up!"

'It's called a 'Catatonic.' It's tonic water and catnip.'

Hamster bartender

"Damn it, he was a regular."

"I've never been wild about this bar, but it does get you where you want to go."

"What do you have in the way of gateway drinks?"

I must say, that's the most pathetic bar promotion I've ever seen. Tuesdays! Wet Socks Contest!

It's our new twin-handle beer mug. It's for manly, two-fisted drinkers, as well as weaklings like you who can't lift it with one hand.

Ernie is a master brewer! He's highly skilled in every phase of the beer-making process! Business is booming at our craft beer pub! Ernie, are those ladies old enough to buy beer? I didn't ask for I.D. I didn't want to violate the no "dating" the customers policy. Ernie is an absolute genius about beer, but lacks common sense about everything else!

Loose lips spill sips.

"Ladies and gentlemen...closing time. Or should Just say 'last call'?"

"We ran out of the little umbrellas."

"Yer resume says you enjoy spitting in peoples drinks in your spare time. Would you consider doing that professionally?"