Bars Pillows

"I'm a citizen of the world, but I'm based in Bayonne."

"Please, John, not the cheap Scotch. My body is a temple."

Foot Fetish Bar: Tonight - Wet Sock Contest

"Can I see your ID? Wait, never mind. Wait - yeah, I need to see your ID? Wait --"

"Personally, I prefer a piano bar."

"Tell him to fetch his own damn slippers."

"Your mom wants to buy you a drink."

I Drank At A Bar In 2020

"Here's to missing the big picture."

"I don't care what they do, as long as they don't mess with the thirty-two-ounce martini."

"He's a curmudgeon now, but he used to be just a mean old bastard."

Mine Host.

Bob and Steve noticed no one else was wearing a collar. Suddenly they realised they were in a stray bar.

"What other tricks does he need?"

'What is this, some kind of joke?'

'Hello? I need a cab. I'm at a place called...um...looks like RAB or something.'

"Any requests?"

"Some prop-forward he's turned out to be."

'I was given a ton of great career advice when I graduated from college. Unfortunately, I can't remember any of it because my entire brain is filled with passwords and PIN numbers.'

'Congratulations on surviving another hunting season.'

Those Senior Moments: 'Tell me something - do I come here often?'

"Anyone here named Hippity?"

"When life gives me lemons, I know twenty-six ways to kill a man with a lemon."

"France has devalued the cat."

'Someone must have called him yellow again.'

Hen Night

"If you have one more round it's considered a main dish."

So What Field You In?

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

"Where can a fellow find some loose tea in this town?"

"It's good to get hammered by something other than the economy."

'Oh, sure, the whole nine lives thing is great until the life insurance premiums come due.'

'Look, I don't want any funny business.'

'Once I get started I drink like a fish.'

"I thought it came with an acorn."