Bars Pillows

"I'm a citizen of the world, but I'm based in Bayonne."

"Please, John, not the cheap Scotch. My body is a temple."

Foot Fetish Bar: Tonight - Wet Sock Contest

"Can I see your ID? Wait, never mind. Wait - yeah, I need to see your ID? Wait --"

"Personally, I prefer a piano bar."

I Drank At A Bar In 2020

"Tell him to fetch his own damn slippers."

"Your mom wants to buy you a drink."

"Here's to missing the big picture."

"He's a curmudgeon now, but he used to be just a mean old bastard."

"I don't care what they do, as long as they don't mess with the thirty-two-ounce martini."

Mine Host.

"What other tricks does he need?"

'What is this, some kind of joke?'

"Any requests?"

"Some prop-forward he's turned out to be."

'Congratulations on surviving another hunting season.'

'I was given a ton of great career advice when I graduated from college. Unfortunately, I can't remember any of it because my entire brain is filled with passwords and PIN numbers.'

"When life gives me lemons, I know twenty-six ways to kill a man with a lemon."

"Anyone here named Hippity?"

Those Senior Moments: 'Tell me something - do I come here often?'

Hen Night

'Someone must have called him yellow again.'

"France has devalued the cat."

'Oh, sure, the whole nine lives thing is great until the life insurance premiums come due.'

'Look, I don't want any funny business.'

"If you have one more round it's considered a main dish."

"It's good to get hammered by something other than the economy."

So What Field You In?

"Where can a fellow find some loose tea in this town?"

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

'Once I get started I drink like a fish.'

'C'mon, Larry - you knew the risks when you promised to be my wingman.'

I drink to forget... which can take for-freakin'-ever when you're an elephant!'

Drunken slob to woman at bar, "...if you want my body and you think I'm sexy..."