Photo Punster Pillows

'Did you see the latest pictures from Mars?'

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

E-vac-u-ate! E-vac-u-ate! . . . I've just farted. . ."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

Dogs life

"I got ninety-nine problems, but a birch ain't one!"

'Iguana know what time it is.'

Pet Cemetery.

Dog Walker

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

Mystery of the Poets

"Only 150 kids? - Have you considered fertility treatment?"

Should I bark? Flow chart for dogs

Standings: Milky Way Conference

Optometrist Humor

Atlas working out with the earth as his exercise ball.

"I want to be upfront. At this point, I'm only looking for a casual hookup of Frankenstein."

Bill Johnson 1914-2000: Server Timed Out.

'Its a dogwood tree. I can tell by its bark.'

A-Hem! I'm still singing here!

"Actually, There's a lot less pressure since I've gone from his best friend to his therapy dog."

Public toiletsbathrooms for dogs using fire hydrants in cubicals.

"I'm not that kind of pro-Bono lawyer."

"Is that one of those brandy dogs?"

Licker Store

'Ah look, what a lovely tortoise shell cat.'

They just found two more dark moons around Uranus. Are you winding up to some sort of sophomoric joke? No, they really do think they found two new moons there. Kind of suspicious, if you ask me. As long as I can remember, Uranus had 27 moons, and the Solar System had 9 planets, including Pluto. Now those numbers change all the time. Next thing you know, they'll be telling us we have to Uranuses. Yeah ... pretty sure you're winding up to some sort of sophomoric joke.

"Norman is an island."

Sure, Jupiter's the biggest, but I hear he uses Asteroids to build up his bulk!

The Poodle and The Twooudle.

'Nice try, Billy, but dogma is not a puppy's mother!'

"Hmmmm. I'll bluff. Then they'll counter-bluff, so if I counter-counter-bluff...password should do it."

'Pretend you don't notice San Andreas.'

"Your manuscript is utter trash, of course. How does a half-million first printing sound to you?"

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, all we ask for Mr. Whitman is poetic justice."