Phone Screen Dodger Gifts

"To be scammed in English, please press 'one'."

'well, Fred, I see you're finally embracing technology.'

"...Stop complaining if it wasn't for the mosquitoes you wouldn't get any exercise at all!"

"So, in conclusion, I would like to say that although I haven't actually read the book, I still found it a fascinating and enriching experience.

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

"Isn't this so much better without our devices?"

IN, OUT, NOT WORTH THE EFFORT

Melvin would go to any lengths to get away from McDonald's advertising...

Also I don't like coffee, so I'll be working through my coffee breaks.

'You have to learn to face reality.', 'Can't I just sneak up on it?'

'You mean that's all you ever read, designer labels?'

'Cheer up, Mr. Laping. It's only until the fishing season is over.'

Drones Unlimited

'We bought this bolt hole to get away from politicians talking green politics.'

' ...so we decided to put in our own flood protection scheme.'

'I think I'm going to have to hide the bathroom scale from your mother.'

'Now I know why they call you Cinderella... You're always running away from the ball.'

Winter depression.

"We interrupt this endless stream of mind-numbing adverts to bring you a TV programme..."

THERE IS A MOUSE IN THE HOUSE... WHERE IS THE CAT?

"Bad news...you don't have a deadly disease. You've got to go back to work."

'Great news! Your father's got a job.'

'He knows every trick in the book. Ironic really as he has never read one in his life!'

"I refuse to read the safety manual. Last time I tried, it gave me a severe papercut!"

L-L-L-L-Lobster Face!

"An office job would drive me crazy!...sitting at a desk all day!"

"He forgot to record the game, so he had to watch it live. The 1,284 commercials was too much for him to handle."

"It's the Neighbourhood Watch... there's a double-glazing salesman approaching..."

'I've always gotten pleasure cheating on my income tax, but the creme de la creme is cheating via electronic filing.'

"Awww, man. I cracked another screen?!?!"

"If it's the reedy, gurgling 'cut-cut-turrrrr' of the long-billed marsh wren, I'm not here."

'There's nothing wrong with my arm - I wear it to get out of washing the dishes!'

Mobile Lure

"I hate calling her—she always picks up."