Phone Misadventure Gifts

'He's lost his mobile phone - it must be in his chair somewhere!'

"Frank and Sheila finally get off the beaten path."

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

Please use another building entirely

Due to higher-than-usual caller volume, your wait-time is nine minutes. That's over an hour in wolverine minutes.

Call centre musicians

"To hear the sounds of the seas press 1, for all other options, or, to speak with a customer advisor, please press 2."

'Please hold for an eternity...'

'You know that's not what I meant when I asked you to take the dog out!'

"Why, James. James the Munificent. How good it is to hear from you."

"I should let you know, you accidentally forwarded THAT mail to me."

"You can stop holding sir, everyone has gone home."

Oh, sorry, I must have butt-rubbed you.

Education Payroll: 'We're trying to resolve your salary problem or, at the very east, put you on hold for th rest of the day.'

"You should never smuggle a phone in without first switching off 'vibrate'."

"Just curious, Edward. Have you ever butt dialed another woman?"

If you would be willing to take a short survey at the end of this call, press "1". If you would like to risk being punished for not taking the survey by being kept on hold for an extra 10 minutes, press "2."

'He's busy right now but if it's important I'll wake him.'

"This is a support group for phone victims. Frank butt dialed. Bib drunk dialed, Anne there talked bad about someone, but didn't realize she hadn't hung up..."

Willie Nelson, hold music.

'I don't KNOW who I declared war on - It was a wrong number!'

"Your call may be monitored to give us all a laugh . . . please enter your 23 digit telephone banking code followed by your 14 digit account no and your 24 digit security code. . ."

"This is NHS direct.You are in a queue,approximate waiting time is 4 hours."

"Sorry about pocket dialing you last night... And then pocket texting, and then pocket emailing, and then pocket leaving angry voicemails, and then..."

'Murder? No, you've dialled L for Liposuction by mistake.'

'The number you have dialled is your own, you will be billed a $25.00 moron charge.'

Now here's a place I like

"If you want to know what you cand do with your recorded message, press 1 now..."

"I told him not to rely on his GPS when out running!"

"I've been on hold through two cell phone bars."

Please hold while precious moments of your life tick away

'Damn! Another dropped call!'

'We wanted to introduce our system for blocking unwanted phone calls. . .'

Anonymous Alcoholics.