Phone Buff Gifts

"Hi! It's me...I've gone off the rails"

"How about now? Can you hear me now?"

The phone call is still 10 cents, the 65 cents pays for theft & vandalism.

"Text, ding dong the witch is dead, followed by a smiley face emoji."

"Our seniors special includes an upgrade to 'billboard-size' font."

"You're fired."

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

Robinson decided to name him 'Casual Friday'.

If nobody had invented graphics

Sue the Author 3PM

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

Video Henge: made from melting and molding 3,000,000 obsolete VCR tapes.

"Dave, could you hold on a sec while I take care of some personal business?"

Arnold's first day on the job - 'What do you mean...no director!!!...and who is going to tell me what to do?'

"No officer, I didn't what the speed limit was. Those signs were going by too fast."

Battery Lighthouse

"Please don't watch this show! There's a viewer trigger warning and a short fuse alert."

Cross-country runners picking up water and spare batteries.

"It's a fairy simple procedure. We just take out the dead ones and put in two new ones."

Binary Man

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

"He belongs to a lawyer."

'It's the Secretary-General of the United Nations -- are you here?'

'Now ask yourself Gerald, do we really need ALL these channels?'

Lady to man in netted car: 'Stinkin' speed trap.'

"Screw this—I'm going to work for the tabloids."

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

"That news you're reading is 24 hours old. I can get it 23 hours and 57 minutes sooner online."

The Plasmas.

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

'This is just a routine check, sir - who did you vote for in the last election?'

"Why don't we call you 'Deeper Throat'?"

"I think it's a subpoena!"