Phone Buff Gifts

"Hi! It's me...I've gone off the rails"

"How about now? Can you hear me now?"

The phone call is still 10 cents, the 65 cents pays for theft & vandalism.

"Text, ding dong the witch is dead, followed by a smiley face emoji."

"Our seniors special includes an upgrade to 'billboard-size' font."

"You're fired."

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

If nobody had invented graphics

Robinson decided to name him 'Casual Friday'.

Sue the Author 3PM

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

Video Henge: made from melting and molding 3,000,000 obsolete VCR tapes.

There's a crew here from 60 minutes and they're coming this way.

"Dave, could you hold on a sec while I take care of some personal business?"

Stephen Fry

Moses Today. Due to the sensitive nature of this matter, my source wishes to remain anonymous.

Arnold's first day on the job - 'What do you mean...no director!!!...and who is going to tell me what to do?'

"Please don't watch this show! There's a viewer trigger warning and a short fuse alert."

Battery Lighthouse

"No officer, I didn't what the speed limit was. Those signs were going by too fast."

Cross-country runners picking up water and spare batteries.

"It's a fairy simple procedure. We just take out the dead ones and put in two new ones."

Binary Man

'It's the Secretary-General of the United Nations -- are you here?'

Lady to man in netted car: 'Stinkin' speed trap.'

'Now ask yourself Gerald, do we really need ALL these channels?'

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

"He belongs to a lawyer."

"Screw this—I'm going to work for the tabloids."

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

"Why don't we call you 'Deeper Throat'?"

"I was forced into early retirement. Is that even legal?"

Celebrity Gavin Henson