Phonatics Gifts

'I won't be checking messages on my home phone for a while, but if you need me you can reach me at my cell.'

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

Woman on the phone.

"My best friend is my phone."

' Once again, the name is Perry, with a P, as in pterodactyl.'

Reading: Phonics. Using phonics, you learn to read by the sounds of letters. Any questions? Yes. Why does "phonics" begin with "p-h" and not with "f"?

'Hello, Pastor Parker here. Thank you for calling moral support. Your call may be monitored to ... '

'He's not in now. This is his secwatawy.'

"Generally accepted accounting practices weren't as generally accepted as I thought."

"The time has come to reflect and ask ourselves... 'what would Jesus tweet?'"

Phonetic Man

'You have reached the Heisenberg Institute - Calls will be answered in random order.'

"Are you busy or are you at work?"

Gawk

Ralph Vaughan Williams

'I heard it was because of a broken charger.'

'Terrific commercial. I'm sold. You'll start on that medicine immediately.'

"You have reached the samaritans. If you are a farmer press one, a pensioner press two, small business owner press three...."

'My best attribute? That would be my glottal stop.'

'And I don't appreciate being left on hold,with Motorhead's 'The ace of spades'!'

'... So I'm standing near this old guy and he's using an old, giant cell phone-- I mean this thing is ridiculous! Hahahaha!'

"You're addicted to your phone and I think you need help."

Legends of Hold Music

'I can't believe I phoned my ex at 4 in the morning and go the wrong number. Still, if I look on the upside...it's lucky I didn't get the right number.'

'The alphabet in alphabetical order

Giovanni Pierluigi da Palestrina

Mavis didn't realise she was still on hold. . . !

"We can now tell the rest of the mice that after testing on lab humans, phones can be an addictive time waster."

"Instead of chanting 'Aum' can I keep texting 'Good Morning?'"

'Looks like he may be going deaf.'

"No...his mobile network has gone down."

"iPhone" is an odd sounding name Are you saying it's not "You-phonic"?

"This isn't a sales call? Aren't all calls, in the final analysis, sales calls?"

"Hi. My name is Phrank. I'm hooked on phonics."

The Sequels