Philosopher's Club Gifts

Which Brain is Half Full and Which is Half Empty?

They hated me.

5pm Happy Hour. 6pm discussion: what is true happiness?

Skeptic Tank.

'So far I've found out the doctor had something to do with it.'

'Man. Piltdown Man.'

Thinking and thinking backwards.

Frontispiece to 'The Pickwick Papers'

"I wonder if management will believe my project?"

'Things haven't been the same since the alien abduction.'

"Sorry, I can't - I have to be everywhere."

"It's beginning to appear as if I'll never have greatness thrust upon me."

"Mister, I don't know if the glass is half full or half empty. It's 12 dollars."

'I've turned another corner in my life.' 'One more corner and you'll be back where you started.'

'The 20th century wasn't bad, but I preferred the 19th. I'm open minded for the 21st.'

'Those are interesting questions Timmy. I suggest you ask your search engine.'

Human Error and Computer Error.

"I was 13 once. It was hard."

'My opinion, right or wrong!'

"You know, after all these years of giving you advice on all. Things personal and professional, it occurred to me that you've never actually asked for my opinion."

'For the larger appetite we suggest choices from the children's menu.'

'I had everything going for me, but I could never find the right person to inspire me.'

*My wife doesn't understand me...

"My wife's career is in ruins... She's an archaeologist!"

"So apart from stop being 'lying hypocritical uncaring bastards who'd promise anything to get back in power'...is there anything else we might do to secure your vote?"

'In the eventuality of a double dip...'

'No man is an island.' 'Try telling Ben Becula that.'

"My grandfather dies from asbestos poisoning - it took 'em 3 weeks to cremate him...."

"How's the weather? Sorry. I don't talk politics in bars."

'If you are a complete pessimist does it mean you are positively negative!'

'I tried letting it all hang out, and somebody stepped on it.'

"Who was first?"