Philosopher Of The Heart Gifts

Head vs heart

"Do you honestly believe we evolved from a single snow flake?"

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Cats want answer to the big questions in life.

"Why don't you find a museum!"

"Call me?"

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

'Oh for heaven's sake, you're a cow. Just eat grass and be happy.'

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

"Talking to your own reflection? Even your imagination is pathetic."

'If no man is an island, then what the hell is no woman?'

'I think I just had an epiphany. How do I make it go away?'

'Contrary to the popular view, our studies show that it is real life that contributes to violence on television.'

"You need to justify your own existence first."

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

Et in Arcadia Ego

Free speech isn't cheap!

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

'Oh dear! -- Well, look me up if you ever get reincarnated, okay?'

Caveman to kid: 'There's more to life than what you read on cave walls.'

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

Aging Support Group

"Nihilistic customer service"

Citizen of the world.

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

"Death coach..."

"Your long-range investments would have made you a very wealthy man."

I wonder what they're moaning about right now?

'Okay - who leaked?'

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

'You sloth and gluttony guys have it easy -- I'm here for envy!'