Philosopher Of Hope Gifts

Everything's going to be alright

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

"Call me?"

"Talking to your own reflection? Even your imagination is pathetic."

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

Citizen of the world.

"Death coach..."

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

"I won't have anything to worry about when I grow up."

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

" It was a jungle out there, but I quite liked it."

Illustration on the problem of money that is given to charities ending up in the hands of governments.

'Well, looking on the bright side, there's only 10 of them.'

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

"I took the road less travelled just to avoid the potholes."

"I once experienced childlike wonder. . . but it was just my anti-depressants kicking in."

'And everybody expects me to be happy, which only makes things worse!'

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

Poor man and rich man

School of hard knocks: Mail box 'Knock-knock jokes'

"Be patient! Weather and homeland are not chosen."

Sun crashing into sea foils rescue attempt.

'Isn't it about time to turn over a new leaf...?'

"You know, Mother, they say dead is the new 80."

'I'm trying to become enlightened, but my stomach keeps growling and interrupting me!'

"I'm at the age where work is a lot less fun, and fun is a lot more work."

'I'd like to participate in gym class, but I'm afraid I'll get overheated and contribute to the global warming problem.'

Seven males, ranging in age from a baby to an old man, wait in a line monitored by a uniformed guard.

'Ironically, before I fell on hard times, I was a professional wine taster.'

Leaves Falling in Heaven.

'If this isn't rich beyond your wildest dreams, your dreams aren't wild enough.'

"What a wonderful tune! I wonder who wrote the score?"

Old man watering Death.

"Give a call when you get there."