False Hope Philosopher Gifts

Sun crashing into sea foils rescue attempt.

'You know creativity involves a high tolerance for failure, don't you?'

The Best Laid Plans

'Let me get this straight: you'll answer three questions, but only three questions? No kidding? Boy, is this my lucky day or what?'

'You're lucky. At least you know your troubles aren't psychosomatic!'

'Well, looking on the bright side, there's only 10 of them.'

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

'I'd like to participate in gym class, but I'm afraid I'll get overheated and contribute to the global warming problem.'

'My website? Oh, it was a bit of a one hit wonder.'

How To Keep Promises

First Attempts: Wright Brothers. Hair-plane.

'If fate had been kinder, either of us might be living in the White House.'

"The scariest part is knowing that someday something'll come along that will make us go, 'Even the spider mutants weren't this bad.' "

"First me stock split, then my wife ran away with my broker, then my driverless car drove off without me..."

Future Desert Islands.

'I am willing to fail... as long as it's not my fault.'

"Hey, it's good news!!"

'If I didn't flunk something every once in a while, how would I ever learn anything?'

'On the bright side I can finally understand what your saying.'

Men discussing thier weight

"By God, you're not a man who's afraid to fail."

Feel good loser. NON WINNER

"I'd like to announce my candidacy for President of the United States."

"Lighten up, pal, it's only a spider!"

'I need someone who can relate to failure.'

"Helen, I really wish you would respect my creative process."

'Your years of smoking like a chimney have taken their toll.'

"I'm not a fallen angel, precisely, but I have had a few stumbles."

'Do you need help landing your fish Hayes? ... Hayes?'

"Money." I figure if I read about something, it'll show up. That's why I read "Naughty Stewardess Monthly."

"Well, your numbers seem unlucky - five and seven to run concurrently."

'Of course, the worst may never happen. There is always that chance.'

'I like your 'glass-half-full' philosophy but not when it's a pint pot using a single malt whisky!'

"Don't worry! Remember that God never gives you more than you can handle."

"....bird flu? No, I want something against the fear epidemic!"