Philosopher Of Life Cycles Gifts

Spawn.

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

"Call me?"

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

"Then one day, as I caught a tennis ball in midair, I asked myself, 'Is this all there is?'"

"Talking to your own reflection? Even your imagination is pathetic."

"You need to justify your own existence first."

"It's a beautiful world out there, just waiting to be discovered. Well, discovered by one of you, the rest will almost certainly die."

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

Aging Support Group

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

Annual Swim Hundreds of Miles, Spawn and Die Marathon.

Caveman to kid: 'There's more to life than what you read on cave walls.'

"Yes sir, I'm late. But I thought we were supposed to stop and smell the roses ... "

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

'Where's the elephant cemetery? It's a secret, and anyway, you'd be the last person I'd tell!'

"Death coach..."

Life, love and a lot of bananas.

"I won't have anything to worry about when I grow up."

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

" It was a jungle out there, but I quite liked it."

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

"Your next pilgrimage must be to a bodega for milk."

"I'm surprised I'm still single - I always thought I'd be divorced by now."

'Life passed me by without using a turn signal.'

"You're born, you deconstruct your childhood, and then you die."

Been there. Done that. (Man stands between two doors.)

Women

Who's Dead

"Sure, my dad and my granddad and my granddad's dad were all domesticated. But that doesn't mean I have to be."

"I took the road less travelled just to avoid the potholes."