Philosopher Of Life Choices Gifts

In retrospect, what I learned is that money is a motivator but it can be too much of a motivator

'Once inside, you will be doomed for all eternity or you could take what's behind door number three.'

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

"Call me?"

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

"Talking to your own reflection? Even your imagination is pathetic."

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

"You need to justify your own existence first."

YOLO vs YODO

"It's a beautiful world out there, just waiting to be discovered. Well, discovered by one of you, the rest will almost certainly die."

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

Aging Support Group

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

Caveman to kid: 'There's more to life than what you read on cave walls.'

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

"Yes sir, I'm late. But I thought we were supposed to stop and smell the roses ... "

"Death coach..."

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

Life, love and a lot of bananas.

"I won't have anything to worry about when I grow up."

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

"I'm surprised I'm still single - I always thought I'd be divorced by now."

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

" It was a jungle out there, but I quite liked it."

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

"Your next pilgrimage must be to a bodega for milk."

"You're born, you deconstruct your childhood, and then you die."

'Life passed me by without using a turn signal.'

Women

I grew up vegetarian. Wow. That takes work to stay strong. What motivates you? Hey, lettuce brain! Peer pressure.

"Some day, son, all these aches and pains will be yours."

Been there. Done that. (Man stands between two doors.)