Philosopher Of Competition Gifts

'There's more to life than winning. There's also getting schools to pay you a share of their ticket and sports memorabilia sales.'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

"Cash, Jordan. That's what separates man from the apes."

Miss America IQ Pageant

'I'm worried about all these unemployed. They're still on our payroll'

'Maximising shareholder value doesn't count.'

"I can't understand it, we did quite well in the first three quarters.

'Was it Nietzsche who said, whatever doesn't kill your portfolio makes it stronger?'

'Come back in two months the meaning of life can change, depending if the market is bullish or bearish.'

'Can Mr. Sloan call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

'Now close your eyes and visualize our upcoming softball game against the elm street zen center and kicking their sorry behinds.'

'Thank goodness we don't need profits in order to make piles of money.'

"Sure, Pop, I see the ball—what I don't see are incentives."

"Management is about more than trying to be better than everyone else."

Enlightenment Olympics.

'Looks like I might have to rethink the football idea!'

Coulda Woulda Shoulda.

And a good morning to you, employee. Happy boss. What's up? Looks like it could be Republicans in 2022. Free market guys, guys who sympathize with the realities of hard-core, cold-hearted, rational capitalism. Makes me want to fire someone. Duck!

'Violence solves everything...'

"And then one day, I had this revelation: Why not go public with my non-profit business and start making some big bucks?"

'It was wishful thinking when they called me 'Flash': I've never won a race in my whole life...'

"Just fetch, don't ask why."

"It's so refreshing to see someone smile for a change."

...'So I said forget about the wages, I just want to play football.'

'I will need to watch the replay.'

The Thinking Man's Rugby

'I've been doing a lot of soul searching, Jenkins, and I've realized there's just so much more to money than life.'

"I don't think equal opportunities legislation covers beauty pageants."

'Well, why isn't there a paperweight class?'

I never thought "the meaning of life" would include so many sports metaphors.

'He's just messing with your mind.'

Make Room

"Who came first...the buyer or the seller?"

'We've exhausted diplomacy and sanctions have had no effect. ... You have no choice but to get out there and beat the living daylights out of him.'