Philomath Pretender Gifts

"I read that girls go for smart guys."

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

A=Pi r 2, 'All this stuff about 'pie are square' makes me HUNGRY!'

"Sorry mum, but I just don't get the decimal system..."

Computation Lite, 13 Computations Than Our Regular Formulas.

"But honey, I've spent my last 30 years pretending to look busy. I can't quit overnight."

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

"My homework? It was super easy today. I drew a dragon and daddy did Math."

Math Jokes

'Hell's freezing over. The only thing I can figure is that Professor Crenshaw finally traded in his slide rule for a calculator.'

The geometry of everyday life

With the aid of an abacus, Elizabeth Barrett Browning counts the ways.

'It has nothing to do with relativity. He's trying to figure out his cable bill.'

Grocer with pretensions of being a soldier

"Dark energy's hard to detect because it's made from happiness."

"Some consider me the Pollock of calculus."

"I'm sorry, Sam, but all of this doesn't add up to a hill of beans."

'My husband always loves your Poisson distribution - it's something to do with being a mathematician.'

Figure of Eight

Kid sweeps dirt under his junk on the floor.

"Fever, chills and dizziness. Sounds like you have a Math test at work today."

'I sit here and solve mathematical problems, program electronic music, analyze architectral possibilities...but somehow being a Renaissance man isn't what it used to be.'

"Is x the wrong angle?"

"You know what we call a number that won't sit still?"

Hexagon.

'You're so soft today. Did you switch to 2-ply?'

Square root of chicken is egg.

School janitor empties numbers out of math room waste basket.

Time and money on a seesaw are equals.

'...based on the premise that 6X3=47...'